A storyteller wrestles with her position in the story. When she tells her stories, she grapples with a question: do I take center stage or the serving role? At one point, I wasn’t sure what that even meant. As a writer and editor I’ve stared that question down more than once. Writing stories from my life has been a process that has grown, deepened, and taken shape over time. I invite you into something of a journey like mine, and uniquely yours.

Catharsis: healing vs healed?

ca·thar·sis/kəˈTHärsəs/ — purification or purgation of the emotions (such as pity and fear) primarily through art. (Merriam-Webster.com)

Purging and purification can be a good thing. Research has indicated for a long time that those who write their stories—even without the expectation of dialogue or feedback—have a greater measure of emotional health that those who do not. Pennebaker and others have been developing thoughts and practices in both secular and Christian counseling for years. (See links below.)

Healing comes when our story is raw, bone-deep and full of hunger for what only Jesus can offer. —Dr. Dan Allender

In order to identify the “raw” parts that can only be healed by Jesus, we have to engage the story itself. A first step may be a simple timeline plotted with events. We take baby steps toward naming the things that have happened at first. Bathing the timeline creation in prayer is wise.

One Step at a Time

Taking these steps in the presence of and partnership with mature, safe people can make all the difference; but remember, just writing without the expectation of an audience or feedback has benefits, says the research. Sitting in the story in a deeper way and sharing with others who can genuinely offer care and direction—that’s part of the process that changes everything. The story moves from the realm of cathartic words to deeper healing (and eventually serving).

Don’t miss this. We are always in the process of being healed this side of heaven, but there is a distinct difference between writing from pain and writing from the healing process. The writing has a unique tone and tenor. A reader will identify with and step into a story that has been through a measure of healing. But a reader will avert her eyes from stories that feel appalling and without purpose, too much like a bleeding wound she shouldn’t see.

There is nothing wrong with the “raw, bone-deep and full of hunger” drafts. Write those. It’s the beginning of the process, and you will soon know what kind of emotional support you need. Monitor your mind, heart, and body’s response. Take good care of you in the early drafts!

Step into the healing process knowing it will likely be messy and difficult, but don’t give up at the first flood of tears. One day, you will be thankful for leaning in. Just be sure to care for you with the love and gentleness you need (and deserve!). If you did not receive care then, you certainly should receive it now, for your own personal growth and healing.

Center stage: taking your place vs taking space?

When a story is told, someone has to be a main character. (Remember: stories have characters and plot.) When writing our own stories, the author is the default main character. Center stage, in that sense, makes sense.

I take my place as the main character because—who else could tell it? Who experienced it? It’s my perspective. It’s my story. You’ll do the same for the same reasons.

What I will not do is create a garish version of myself to show the world. This isn’t some kind of competition to reveal the deepest, darkest secrets. In this stage, I won’t publicly name and shame the peripheral characters in the story. I will privately name everything that needs to be. The drafts are for taking my place in the story, not taking space on a page that worsens the wound.

Healing is available! There is a good and right process that leads to that.

Self versus servant?

We are genuinely ourselves in this process, friend; you can be no one else. But when you have engaged your stories with God and yourself, you may find they can be beautifully and more fully redeemed in the sharing with others. The tug may feel nearly tangible. Or a spark may ignite a fire that burns with more intensity over time.

How should it be shared? I can’t tell you. You might speak it across a table at a coffee shop, in a room with a few tables, or an auditorium. The words might fall to the pages of an e-book or find their way to paper between book covers. That’s not a decision for now. The real decision is related to your audience.

Somewhere down this road, a stream of questions will beg to be answered:

Who is the one who sits in silence while she bears all the weight of a similar storyline? What is her heart’s cry? Where is she sitting right now? What does she need to hear to get through her day today?

How will you serve her? This is where the “center stage versus serving” rubber meets the road. You’re on this journey for your own healing first, and then you can turn to her in her quiet pain and say, “Hello, I’m a friend. How can I help?”

In that moment, my story isn’t about me.

And your story really isn’t all about you.

Can I encourage you? Write your story—with humility and bravery and boldness, with all the senses and emotions. Write and have an honest conversation with God, yourself, and your healthy support people. Then write so you can have a conversation with her, the one who needs your voice in her life. Share your story of healing, so she knows it’s possible.

Write, friend, write! Your future self needs you to begin. She, your reader, needs you to begin.

Christian Articles and Resources:
https://adamyoungcounseling.com/resources/ (PDF and resources)
https://theallendercenter.org/resources/engaging-your-story/ (blog post/booklet)
https://theallendercenter.org/store/products/healing-wounded-heart/ (book/workbook)

Secular Articles and Resources:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun02/writing
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/writing-about-emotions-may-ease-stress-and-trauma
https://www.medicalcenter.virginia.edu/bewell/counselors-corner/telling-your-story-12-2017
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/discover-your-truth/201706/the-therapeutic-benefits-writing-novel