A Tale of Two Invitations (2)

This is Part 2 of A Tale of Two Invitations that I started here. Today I'm thinking about the invitation to relationship here at the site and the irony of our culture of connectivity! Always accessible. Never alone. Forever linked by Social on pocket-size computers every second of the day. And we live in the loneliest culture that has existed. Our symptoms betray us—anxiety, depression, social awkwardness in everyday exchanges, and the "duck and cover" behind a screen instead of connecting face-to-face. I want to say I'm not guilty of avoidance behavior, but I can't. (I do have lousy vision, so there is a chance I really haven't *seen* someone.) Still, there are two invitations to connect. Let's talk about the second one.

I get the irony. I'm asking that you commit to connection...from behind my laptop screen decorated with a Firefox Christmas plugin...on your very distant screen in front of you. That's more connectivity than connection. Unless—

A Personal Invitation

Unless the second of the two invitations heralds the opportunity to connect—here and at home—with other guests. What if the second invitation begs us to see others. Really see them. That takes time and intentionality, doesn't it?

The rough beginnings look like good customer service in my favorite hidey hole. "Hi, Miss Jen, are you having a blond roast today?" She sees me. And I love it! The "invitation" to a moment begins with a name—my name, your name, their name. That's what makes it a personal moment.

Begin with a name, and then move on to becoming a student of the person in the relationship. Get to know more than their coffee order, though that can be a great place to start when that's their love language. What are the favorite things she surrounds herself with, her personal preferences, the causes that light the fire deep within her, the things that make her laugh or cry, the mundane work she does in everyday life, and her needs and desires? All these things begin to sum up little parts of her mind, body, and soul. She is not those things, but they comprise some part of her.

We want to know and be known, love and be loved. We are hardwired for relationship to others. If we were not, we wouldn't experience the anxiety, depression, guilt, loneliness, or shame. These things are experienced in the context of relationship. When we lean into relational connection in a healthy way, it can be a balm to the soul.

No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 John 4:12 NLT

Lean in to Love Others

Loneliness is a poison, and there is an antidote: love. I have the honor of serving women in a ministry setting, and I've seen it happen over and over. When the ladies walk in the room, lean in, and connect in loving relationship, loneliness leaves. Every. Time. The other poisons that began in relationship (anxiety, depression, guilt, or shame) are healed in relationship, too.

My week was hard for several reasons. This was the week I needed to trust the beautiful women in the room would reach for me when I was feeling a little sad, disconnected, and overwhelmed (all generated in the context of relationship). I let the busy get in the way of my quiet connection with the Lord (my choice). Circumstances and miscommunications weighed on my mind (things out of my control). Hurt from my old story began to seep into the places I don't often go in my spirit.I leaned into prayer and worship music, and that was helpful.

Do you know what really made the difference? A group of ladies stayed just a little longer than everyone else. I invited them into a personal moment with a simple question: How can we pray for each other? A really basic question—that I asked a second time to be heard—opened a door for the ladies to lean in. Struggles and needs surfaced. Physical healing, emotional support, employment, favor with people who make life-altering decisions for others, and heart and attitude change.

We stood together in a tight circle at the end of the night and prayed bold prayers for each other. And when I was quiet about my "stuff," a woman leaned in and prayed from her heart for me. She saw me. And I loved it. I needed it. We all did.

Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 CSB

Up Close and Personal

Doing life with others means getting up close and personal, sitting in the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don't be fooled. Screens are connectivity. Face-to-face is a whole other kind of connection. It takes time, and the effort is worth it! What happens when you choose to sit still, look into her eyes across the table, and ask the questions (more than once, if necessary)? This is the art of leaning in—the art of connection.

And do you know what you'll need to do next? You'll need to decide which invitations you'll send and receive. You'll lean into relationships, and you'll let others lean into your own life. You'll begin to see others, and let others see you.

Connection goes both ways and looks like this:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

From a Distance

"But Jen—does that mean we don't connect through a screen?" It's not impossible. Connectivity versus connection has something to do with heart-to-heart engagement, I think. Hang with me long enough, and you'll find I'm not a fan of "out of sight and out of mind." When a friend travels, I expect to connect over Social. If my friend lives in another state, I take opportunities to connect through a screen.

How do I choose connection over connectivity?

Conversations center around deeper, real topics. It's not just about the weather (though I mourn my winter in contrast to my south-of-the-Mason-Dixon and desert-loving friends').

Social and video apps aren't allowed to drive the schedule. The person on the other end is important, and so is balance (the toughest thing I face). Connectivity can beat connection if I overlook someone close to me in favor of someone remote.

I start with my people. (Thanks, Brian J. Dixon!) I choose who I connect with, especially at a distance, by evaluating the relationship. Is this one of my people? Is this connection appropriate, healthy, and life-giving? Is the connection sustainable?

Love Well

When I think of loving others well, a feeling of awkwardness can creep in. After all, I'm aware that I might be lacking in examples of loving well from parts of my life story, but I've been intentional about offering invitations to people who are really good at it so I can learn from them. Some things are better "caught" than taught, especially from someone who lives out loving well. I want to surround myself with people I want to emulate. After all, we will become who we hang with more often than not.

My friends have taught me so much about the two invitations we receive and send; they've also taught me to pause, connect, and reflect. That makes all the difference! Those three things might be worth writing about next time. *grin*

Until then, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

Thanks for reading along. Check out my Instagram and Facebook page for a little more of my connectivity activity. [Insert sheepish grin here.]