Writing Your Story: Goodbye, Insecurity!
Hey, writer—I see you! You’re wrestling with your story.
I did the same. I had a running dialogue in my head. Maybe you can relate:
Should I write this story? Am I a writer or a wannabe? Would she ever read it? Would she even think of spending hard-earned money on my story? Dare I ask her to? Would she appreciate all that went into the writing process? Would she care? What if the real-life characters in my story found out I was writing? Would I get in trouble? If I might get in trouble, I’d better not write it. But it feels so much better when I write. Other women have been in this place, this space. I know the statistics. I’m not alone. Does she feel as lonely as I think she does? Does she want someone to sit with her in her struggle? I would do that through a story.
Am I even a writer? Writers write…
That’s just a little snapshot of my writer-brain overthinking hamster wheel. I might be the only one, but I’m pretty sure I’m not. The words in your mental dialogue are tailored to your own insecurities and anxiety, your self-consciousness and embarrassment. Today let’s look at insecurity.
The Voices
Take a minute to listen to the voice in your head. What do you hear? Write down everything you can. (There’s a point to this.)
I’ve mentioned it, but in case you're not aware; I purchased my first online course from anyone on the interwebs. There’s only one first time for something like this. I purchased Jon Acuff’s Soundtracks, a six-week course to pair with his new book release. (Friend, if you overthink half as much as I do, you need this book!) The course I’ve been taking has been pure gold! I’ve gotten into my early copy of the book, and it’s just what I need.
An overthinker like me has trouble with the soundtracks that play in her head. I love that Jon Acuff talks about turning “a super-problem into a superpower.” That’s the very thing I need because the voices are loud and obnoxious. Oddly enough, the voices in my head sound crazy-similar to my own outside voice. What (or who) do the voices in your head sound like?
Insecurity [ in-si-kyoor-i-tee ]
noun, plural in·se·cu·ri·ties.
1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: [She] is plagued by insecurity.
(dictionary.com. April 5, 2021.)
Here’s the deal: when we sit down to write anything, but particularly our story, it’s personal. We’re putting something out there (wherever there is), and we don’t know whose eyes will find it. It feels vulnerable, and that’s fair. We’re also loading that same text with other concerns. The messages might be tied to our writing talent, style, or content.
And then that mental treadmill looms again.
What if the story isn’t interesting? What if I don’t tell it well? What if it’s too much? Am I too much? Is my writing “voice” wrong? Inappropriate? Overwhelming? What if there are plot holes or character inconsistencies? What if I write too many words? What if I can’t write enough words? What if I can’t figure out who my reader is? What if I completely “miss” her in my story telling?
I read something really brilliant today: “What if” means…What I FEAR.
Change Your Mind
I know how the playlist goes. Can I encourage you to change your mind? Try something new because…honestly, you haven’t done it before and anything can happen! Remember that insecurity has a lot to do with the voices in your head, so try changing what you hear in there.
Consider that any insecurity connected to the way you tell your story or connecting with a reader is, well, completely tied to a single assumption: that you are writing! Words have to hit the screen to hit a page. So, step one is simple. Write.
You only find your voice by—writing. You only find holes and inconsistencies by—writing. You only know if you have too many or too few words by—you guessed it!—writing. No sense in getting stuck in an insecurity loop in the draft process, but it happens all the time.
Friend, don’t do what I’ve done. Plug in a simple thought: it’s just a draft!
Sharing a Story
There will be a time to think about sharing your story, but that’s not in the drafting process. Don’t bury your draft in a heap of emotional expectations or baggage. That’s not being kind to you or your writing process. When you do get to the logical point of considering the first, vulnerable share, here are two things to think about:
Is the story mine to write?
The reason this question is so important is because a story generally belongs to the writer (excluding a dicey plagiarism conversation, of course). Any writer begins to answer this question in a couple of ways. Is it true? And by true, I mean is it consistent with your valid understanding of the story and events? Then ask, Am I telling my story or someone else’s?
I caution against telling someone else’s story for multiple reasons, but that’s for another day. Just know it’s probably the thing lawsuits were made for, but it’s possible to proceed wisely and still tell your story. Do not get stuck in this question in the drafting process, friend. It’s a pitfall waiting…
Is the story ready to be shared?
Don’t let this question stall the drafting process. It’s the question you ask after the draft has some autonomy. Later in the writing process there is a point you’re either looking for encouragement or feedback. There’s a big difference between the two. My insecurities are met with encouragement from an inner circle who speak life into my writing process.
When I think about sharing with those who speak truth in the form of gritty feedback, I triage the content. Is this a gaping wound that needs healing before sharing? Is there a scar that shows a good measure of healing and allows for others to see that healing is possible? Have I shared the story in my authentic voice? The rest is left to other eyes who catch the other things that mine don’t. I’m okay with that. In fact, I want that, and I tell the reader I do.
Goodbye, Insecurity!
You may not resolve all your insecurities, but you can deal with some.
Examine what’s running on your mental treadmill; those voices matter. Flip the script to something true, helpful, and kind whenever you can.
Tell your story. That simply means sit down and write!
Prepare to share. Know when you need encouragement or feedback. Both will be helpful in the writing process, but don’t get ahead of yourself in the writing process.
Remember: DRAFT —> ENCOURAGEMENT —> GRITTY FEEDBACK.
Tell yourself “It’s just a draft!” as many times as you need to in order to get the words on the screen. They may fall to a page later, but get your confidence now by knowing it’s just a draft. Perfectionism is not your friend.
I hope this helps you think through your insecurities. If you are telling your story in your draft voice, that counts. Words written always beats words swirling in your head for hours, weeks, months, or years.
Keep in mind that today is the last day to preorder Soundtracks by Jon Acuff. I don’t get anything from encouraging you to take a peek at the book. I just know how great the content is, and I talk about things I love and think you might like.
~Jennifer
